4 Things You Should Never Say At A

What Not to Say at a Funeral—And What to Say Instead

Funerals are emotional and sensitive moments. Even well-meant words can unintentionally cause pain.

Here are four common condolence phrases to avoid—and what you can say instead to offer comfort with empathy and respect.

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1. “They’re in a better place now.”

Though intended to comfort, this phrase can feel dismissive of the mourner’s grief.

It may sound like you’re minimizing their pain.

Say instead:
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything.”
Simple, sincere words can mean the most.

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2. “At least they lived a long life.”

Longevity doesn’t make grief any easier. Suggesting it should might leave someone feeling guilty for being sad.

Say instead:
“They touched so many lives. I know they meant a lot to you.”
Acknowledge the person’s impact without diminishing the loss.

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3. “I know exactly how you feel.”

Even if you’ve faced a similar loss, grief is personal. This comment shifts the focus to you, not the mourner.

Say instead:
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
Offer support without assuming you understand their pain.

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4. “Everything happens for a reason.”

This may come off as cold or overly philosophical when someone is grieving. It risks sounding like you’re trying to justify their loss.

Say instead:
“This must be incredibly hard. I’m so sorry.”
Honest empathy always matters more than explanations.

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Final Thought

At funerals, presence often speaks louder than words. Listening, offering a hug, or just sitting quietly can bring more comfort than any phrase ever could.